


The Secret Weapon

by Ayngelcat



Category: Alien vs Predator (2004), Transformers Generation One
Genre: Comedy, Crack, Crossover, Gen, Things xenomorph, Xenomorph eggs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-30
Updated: 2014-03-30
Packaged: 2018-01-17 13:09:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1388845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ayngelcat/pseuds/Ayngelcat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Not a new story, but one that's been on FFnet for a while and that I've been meaning to move over here. </p><p>Swindle's business dealings extend to unusual subject matter.</p><p>Warnings: only for mention of the type of things which happen in in "Alien" movies!</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Secret Weapon

No matter how hard Swindle tried, he could not see how the object in front of him was, had been or would ever could be the 'incredibly dangerous weapon' which the Yautja claimed.

Sure, the clearly organic, oval shaped entity which stood on one end and came up to his knees was creepy. The semi - translucent sides undulated softly as though some _thing_ was moving inside, and every now and then a set of 'petal' like structures at the top flickered as though whatever it was wanted to get out. A small filament of pungent steam wafted forth now and then.

Swindle's sensor net prickled. Oh yeah - there was no denying that the thing was creepy. Even - _very_ creepy.

But that didn't make it dangerous.

Still, he decided to keep his options open. "How much d'you want for this thing, anyway?" he said, folding his arms and regarding it some more with his head on one side. "I have to say, it looks kinda like – an _egg_."

The Yautja shifted, and Swindle was conscious of the yellow gaze, of the tentacled 'hair,' of mandibles clicking between heavy rasping breaths. He kept his optics on the object, not wishing to look at the so called 'Predator.' Not only was the creature outstandingly ugly - even by organic standards - but the fragger was _big!_   The armour over the well built frame looked unnervingly formidable. And those tusks and claws ...

Swindle shivered. There probably was something in this - the reputation these creatures had. It was rumored they did all kinds of weird pit. And what had he heard about them breeding 'lethal prey' - just so they could hunt it and show off?

"It is indeed, an egg!" the Yautja said in its soft, slithery voice. "And it is harmless in this state, but under the right circumstances, it can transform in a way that you Cybertronians can only dream of. And I have many more on offer. Purchase this one, and I will give you another at half price and a third for free."

Despite his trepidation, every synapse in Swindle's circuitry itched to take advantage of this – after all, fearsome alien warrior though the creature may be, a deal was a deal and the Combaticon knew a bargain when he heard one. But then the egg let out a hiss, as though it's occupant grew impatient, as a strange and not very pleasant aroma arose from it's depths.

A shudder went through the Combaticon. He eyed it warily. "I think first you betta tell me how the thing works," he said.

…

Swindle's mouth opened wider as the Yautja gave him the account. By the end of it, he was speechless. Then he gave a little laugh. The creature had to be joking.

"Now let's get this straight!" the Combaticon said. "A critter leaps outta this thing, attaches itself to your face, sticks some kinda juvenile whatever down your energon chute, then that eats bits of your innerds and grows into a baby monster?"

The Yaucha nodded, it's yellow optics flickering. "That is correct!" it hissed.

"But the thing's organic!" Swindle said. "How could it eat like – metal?"

 _"Semi_ organic," corrected the Yautcha. "Silicon based. It is a superior being in every way. It would convert your alloys and the contents of your energon processing chamber – as I believe you call it – to a palatable form. But it does not, in any event, require much nourishment."

Swindle nodded, chin in hand, thinking which one of his Combaticon team mates would be the least jacked off at suffering such an indignity. In no case did the prospects seem that good. He decided the rest of the thing's _modus operandi_ needed clarification. The later stages had sounded more promising.

"All right," he said. "So then the deal is – this - _monster_ gets to a certain size, it busts out through your front and takes off?"

The Yautja nodded again. "Indeed! And this has been a problem for organic species, as the process kills them. But with you Cybertronians, I don't believe the damage would be enough not so as to allow repair. All the more so if you were to use a large, robust variety - though one such as yourself would survive quite adequately."

It occurred to Swindle that Vortex might, after all, find this process kinda entertaining. He was a little peeved, however; he considered himself perfectly robust - even if he was a little shorter than some others. But he decided not to argue the point.

"Then, if what you're telling me's the go," he continued, it grows into a full sized, _really dangerous_ monster. A lethal weapon, in fact, if I'm getting the picture right. And you reckon just one of these things could take out a posse of Autobots single handed?"

"It is quite possible," said the Yaucha. "The Xenomorph will take on the approximate form and dimensions of the one who hosts it's embryonic form. It is immensely resilient, with a multitude of powerful snapping jaws and a steel tail which can crush your Cybertronian alloys quite easily, and it has acid for blood which can sear through the strongest of metals. But a whole contingent ….. hmmnnn, maybe not. That is why I suggest you take the three."

Now this _did_ sound rather useful. In fact, as Swindle thought about it, a smile spread slowly over the face of the smallest Combaticon. Onslaught would surely be most awfully pleased about such an asset; and it would be 'one up' on Blast Off, who for all his meanderings in space had never come across an 'opportunity' such as this.

And Vortex or Brawl? Even if they didn't like the first bit, surely they would not be displeased at the prospect of big versions of themselves with snappy jaws and acidy blood leaping around killing Autobots?

It might even score him a few points with Galvatron. Which Primus alone knew he needed, after the transformation cog incident.

"All right – you're on!" he said.

The Yautcha made a pleased sounding kind of rasping. "Excellent!" it said. "Now, might I suggest - what might be an idea, and more helpful to your evading the customs sentinels at the Seventh Warp Gate, is if you were to act as host for this one, and stow the others in a secret place. That way if you are apprehended you will possess your own special means to get out of the situation. The procedure can be performed – almost immediately …"

The egg twitched, and Swindle's circuits jangled in alarm, his purple optics widening. He took a step back, holding his hands in front of him and suddenly feeling very un-robust, and not at all ashamed of this, and totally in favour of handing over the 'transformations' side of the equation to Vortex or Brawl.

Nevertheless, the smallest Combaticon managed a salesmech type grin. "That's uh - _fine,_ " he chuckled. "I'll just take them _as is_."


End file.
